The Collected Writings of Dougal Graham, "Skellat" Bellman of Glasgow, Vol. 2 of 2

In Short

This volume gathers popular prose chapbooks by Glasgow bellman Dougal Graham, presenting a vibrant cross-section of 18th-century Scottish lowlife. Through series of episodic tales, coarse dialogues, and satirical catechisms, Graham depicts rustic courtships, trade feuds, parish church discipline, trade tricks, and folkloric misadventures. Characters like Jockey, Leper the Tailor, Lothian Tom, and George Buchanan navigate poverty, local hypocrisy, and absurd misunderstandings. Lasting as indispensable historical artifacts of Scottish popular literature, these stories preserve authentic Scots dialect while capturing the raw humor and pragmatic survival instincts of the era's common folk.

The Story

The collection unfolds across distinct chapbook narratives, each chronicling the comical misadventures, courtships, and tricks of everyday Scotsmen and women. In Jockey and Maggy's Courtship, the narrative opens with a mother defending her son, Jockey, before the kirk minister, Mess John. Jockey faces church discipline and public penance on the stool for getting his mother's servant-maid with child prior to marriage. The mother vigorously argues with the minister over church fines, while Jockey's clumsy logic and confusion over time frames only deepen the comedic tension.

The Coalman's Courtship highlights the earthy matchmaking advice of an old widow, Mary, as she coaches her unrefined son, Sawny, on how to court a creel-wife's daughter, offering an unglamorized look at rural romantic overtures and domestic habits. In Lothian Tom, the plot turns to pure rogue satire. Tom carries out a sequence of vengeful pranks, including a scheme against a housemaid who stings his legs with nettles; Tom exposes her while she sleeps over a washing tub, causing a runaway horse to smash a peddler's eggs and prompting immediate retribution. Later, Tom sneaks into a farmer's barn to sleep, terrifying the threshers into believing he is the devil, which leads to a chaotic morning resolve over breakfast.

Leper the Taylor follows a mischievous youth bound to a stingy master and mistress. Starved on thin broth while his landlady hides the good beef, Leper substitutes boiled dead-horse flesh into her pantry and plants a large pin upright in her chair cushion, triggering uproar and chaos among the neighbors. In The History of Haverel Wives, two elderly women, Maggy and Janet, share gossip and long memories, reflecting on the old days of pre-Reformation Sunday markets, papal priests, and the shift toward modern Presbyterian rule.

In The Comical Sayings of Pady from Cork, Teag and Tom engage in rapid banter regarding Irish-Scottish cultural clashes, military enlistment abuses, absurd courtroom logic over stolen guns, and comical escapes from service. Simple John and his Twelve Misfortunes records the plight of an ill-fated husband tormented by a harsh wife, Girzy, and comforted only by his mother-in-law after his own mother dies. The Ancient and Modern History of Buck-Haven sketches the eccentric traditions of a Fife fishing village, detailing their boisterous burgher initiation dances, fear of witches like the one-eyed Glied Rob Thomson, and deep superstition surrounding hares. Finally, The Witty and Entertaining Exploits of George Buchanan presents a series of intellectual tricks, including a scene where George aids a Highland drover in winning a 200-guinea swimming bet against an English captain by strapping bread, cheese, gin, and a broadsword to his back, scaring the opponent out of the water. George concludes his exploits by outsmarting a book-collecting bishop who cannot read his own Hebrew Bible.

How It Unfolds

Ecclesiastical interrogation — Mess John questions Jockey regarding the timing of his child's conception, while Jockey's outspoken mother trades barbs with the minister over session fines and public penance.

The rogue's retaliation — Lothian Tom turns the tables on a maid servant who put nettles in his bed, exposing her at her washing tub and causing a passing cadger's horse to spook and crush its cargo.

Barnyard exorcism — Denied shelter on a cold night, Lothian Tom sneaks into a loft, emerging at dawn with disheveled hair to terrify two threshing farmhands into believing the devil has possessed the barn.

The tailor's revenge — Malnourished by his master's wife, Leper swaps her hidden beef for boiled horse-flesh and plants a pin in her seat cushion, causing a noisy domestic disaster.

Gossips at the rock — Old wives Janet and Maggy compare eras, recalling the ancient Sunday markets outside the kirk doors where chapmen sold goods alongside pre-Reformation priests.

Irish military escapades — Pady from Cork debates Tom about his service trials, resisting a captain's attempt to dock his pay for a future coffin before fleeing to work as a fake deaf-mute fortune-teller.

Initiation at Buck-Harbour — The villagers of Buck-Haven welcome new burghers with wild boat dances and drinking rituals until the antics of Glied Rob Thomson spark accusations of witchcraft.

The swimmer's broadsword — George Buchanan devises a scheme for a Highland drover by equipping his servant with rations and a sword for a swimming match, terrifying the English challenger into forfeiting the wager.

The bishop's library — George Buchanan visits a wealthy bishop's house, mocking the prelate's massive collection of unread books after demonstrating that the bishop cannot even identify a Hebrew Bible.

The People

• Jockey — A clumsy, simple-minded young man who finds himself brought before the kirk session for fornication. He wants to clear his name and satisfy church requirements, but his inability to track time or speak diplomatically complicates his penance.
• Jockey's Mother — A sharp-tongued, pragmatic widow who fiercely protects her son. She wants to minimize church fines and avoid public humiliation, standing up directly to Mess John and mocking rigid parish hypocrisy.
• Mess John — A stern Presbyterian minister who seeks to enforce strict church discipline, public confession, and session authority over parish moral failings.
• Lothian Tom — A clever, merciless prankster who seeks immediate revenge against anyone who crosses him, using disguises and theatrical tricks to terrify farmers and housemaids alike.
• Leper the Taylor — A rebellious apprentice who seeks decent food and freedom from his miserly mistress, relying on cruel practical jokes to punish her stinginess.
• Pady from Cork — An Irish traveler and former soldier who uses fast talk, absurd excuses, and quick wits to escape military debt, unfair landlords, and physical brawls.
• George Buchanan — A legendary Scottish wit and scholar who uses his superior intellect to defend fellow Scots, outsmart arrogant English captains, and expose the ignorance of wealthy church authorities.

In Its Own Voice

"Mess John. Woman I told you formerly that any who refuses submission to the government of the church, is liable to excommunication..."

The minister attempts to assert ecclesiastical authority over an unrepentant parishioner during a disciplinary hearing.

"Mith. Indeed Mess John, my son will never set his hips upon’t; if he maun come before you, I’se gar him stand a bit a back frae’t and hear what ye hae to say about fornication..."

Jockey's mother flatly refuses to allow her son to sit on the repentance stool before the entire congregation.

"I’ll rather die without a coffin; and seek none when I’m dead; but if you are for clipping another sixpence off my poor pay, keep it all to yourself..."

Pady fiercely resists his captain's absurd attempt to deduct money from his military pay for future burial expenses.

What It's Really About

Underneath the slapstick humor and coarse pranks, the collection examines the ongoing struggle between rigid institutional authority and the pragmatic survival instincts of the working poor. Graham targets the hypocrisy of church discipline, contrasting the stern dictates of Presbyterian ministers with the earthbound, uninhibited morality of common villagers. The stories explore how ordinary people navigate severe poverty, meager rations, labor exploitation, and harsh social rules through quick wit, deceit, and community solidarity. Furthermore, the text acts as a cultural preservation of Scottish folk beliefs, documenting the shift from older Catholic traditions to post-Reformation life while capturing widespread rural superstitions surrounding witches, kelpies, and parish gossip.

Why Read It Today

Readers interested in Scottish history, historical linguistics, and authentic working-class literature will find this collection fascinating. It offers an unfiltered view of 18th-century daily life far removed from polished aristocratic histories. The reading experience feels energetic, unpretentious, and vibrant, filled with quick-fire dialogue and theatrical comedy.

However, modern readers should prepare for significant stylistic and thematic hurdles. The prose is heavily saturated with historical Scots dialect and archaic regional terms—such as baps, brose, doups, and kail—requiring frequent reference to the included glossary. The humor is uncompromisingly broad, frequently relying on scatological jokes, crude physical revenge, and physical abuse. Additionally, period attitudes toward women, ethnic minorities, and religious sects reflect the casual prejudices of the 1700s. For those willing to look past its rough edges, the book remains a valuable, highly entertaining window into the oral storytelling traditions and comic spirit of historic Scotland.